Episode 42: Neighboring With Kids

My favorite guest agreed to join me for an episode to talk about our kids, how we’re trying as parents to create an environment of being good neighbors, and how we feel more blessed by our neighbors than we are blessing them. Michelle and I have been on personal journeys to figure out how to orient our own lives around serving and helping others since before we met. Michelle had wanted to be in the social work field since she knew what she wanted to do as a kid, and has spend her entire professional career as a clinical social worker in a local hospital working with kids. I wanted to be in advertising since I really had any idea of what kind of career beyond being a professional dirt bike racer as a kid, but found life, purpose, and vocation crashing together in my early 20s, which led me towards NeighborLink. We may be a bit down the road in this, but not that far. Trust us, you can do anything we’ve done at this point.

Michelle and I actually met on a NeighborLink project being organized through our church and we’ve been serving together ever since. The activities of service really led to us continuing our personal and collective journey of how this becomes a lifestyle, not a series of transactions that we schedule, prioritize, and then complete. Although transactional activities are a part of neighboring and a part of getting our family involved. But, the more relational and connected we’ve gotten, the more this outflows of who we’ve been transforming into as people.

Sounds idyllic right? Well, it’s not as glamorous as it sounds in a few words on a blog post. If anything, we talk more these days about how others bless us more than we are blessing them. The more personal and relational it gets, the more sensitive we’ve become to this whole discussion because it’s not as easy as just wanting to do good for others. You can’t just show up on someone’s doorstep and declare that you’re there to help them, especially if they’ve not asked for it. That gets awkward, real fast.

Neighboring is a process and philosophy that requires others, not just what one does for others. It requires vulnerability, being available as you can be, and a willingness to move on our gut and be able to receive when offered. Neighboring is a collective effort, not just an individual effort.

This episode is about our family and how we’re trying to ensure we incorporate our kids into as much as we can at home, in our neighborhood, and within the organizations we love while listening to them about the things they’re beginning to see on their own. As parents, we have a vision for our kids to grow up being kind, generous, aware of others, and willing to do what isn’t being done or to stand up for those being oppressed or who have vulnerabilities. Big vision, I know. But, we think it is possible and now is the time while they’re young to model that to them and incorporate them into as much as we can.

That has looked like buying kids tools such as brooms, snow shovels, and rakes to help at home and as we go around the neighborhood to help others. It’s us taking them out on NeighborLink projects or volunteer opportunities that welcome kids to help or at least be present with us as we help. It’s having discussions on our family walks about who we can pray for or respond to something that we picked up on in conversation with a neighbor we said hi to. That’s led to them suggesting us take cookies, write cards, and even offering to help with something more tangible. When they have an idea, Michelle and I really try to respond rather than saying no or brushing it off, which requires mindfulness on our end. We’re now trying to incorporate them into giving donations to orgs, which is a work in process and has led to one of our boys wanting to find a “King Cobra Snake Rescue” organization to give some dollars to. Michelle is likely to shut that one down!

The reality is that we’re not pros at this, get it wrong as much as we get it right, and are daily shown what neighboring is all about by our neighbors or those we’re serving more than we feel like we’ve helped or shown them. We had some neighbors recently bring a plate of hot brownies down to celebrate our daughters birthday. We’re just getting to know them and a simple “happy birthday” would have been great, but they came down with brownies and sung to her. That’s neighboring and we were the recipients. Our daughter was the recipient of kindness and we know that it left a mark.

Neighboring is about relationships and relationships get formed over time. They always require effort and an openness on both sides. We’re simply trying to be open to those we encounter. For us, we’re just trying to be present and open. We let the Lord lead us from there.